Loper Life: Personal Grooming

Me at a Horse Show:

Poultice covered hands, dirt stained jeans, shavings overflowing from the bottom of my hems, boots covered in that will-not-go-away Arizona dirt & overgrown sparkly nails.

My Theme Song:

(Seriously, it magically comes on wherever I go... harharhar...)

She's a lady - woah woah woah - she's a laaaaaadyyyyy

Sing it Tommy J!

The Constant Struggle

Those girls that just seem to look perfect at all times while at shows:

"Who doesn't travel with a bikini? I have a full length gown hanging in my trailer." 

- Darcy la Pier, barrel racer, from the A&E show "Rodeo Girls"

Me:

...while literally covered in horse shit, poultice, horse goobers, shavings, miscellaneous pieces of hay & sucking back a Red Bull wondering, "is this my life?"

Overheard in the Loping Pen:

A disgruntled loper talking to another loper about her boss...

"So he didn't listen to you?"
"Of course not... what do I know? I'm just the loper."

& I was just behind them like...

Things I Struggle With: Machinery

Enemy #1: Leafblower

Boss-Lady leaves me a to-do list, one of the items says "THOROUGHLY clean out all feeders in the trailer." Well, unfortunately our trailer does not have pull out trays, so after attempting to shovel, rake and broom the hay dust out of the feeders I thought -ah ha!- I will blow the dust out, easy peasy.

I WAS WRONG.

First of all, I couldn't get the damn thing to start, the gas pulley thing was not pulling. Cue me embarrassingly having to get two different people to start it for me.

Then, I got into the trailer, pointed it at one of the feeders and hay dust ERUPTED all around me.

Once the haze settled... the hay dust was still freaking there, it was just blowing up, at me, and then back down.

Sigh.

Fuck Machinery.

I am a loper, not a handy-man.

Unfortunately for me, those two jobs often go hand in hand.

I will sadly admit that it took me 3 hours to clean out 6 hay feeders, does that sound very "handy" to you?

"The Princess"

Remember "The Princess" from my last post? Affectionately known as "My Little Hell Bitch"?

Well... some days... she is a serious

fricken' dragon.

This horse will take advantage of anyone that she can. She has zinged and zanged with more people than any other horse in our barn. She will pin her ears and snake out at you if you're blanketing her and don't stand your ground. If you don't let her know you're up their on your back, she will run you into a wall. 

Then... other days... she is a complete

& utter... donkey.

She is heavily attached to her sister which we also have in training. So much so that if her sister is taken out of her eye sight she will lose her fricken mind. She paws, and paws, and paws, and paws. Sometimes she just randomly forgets how to stop. She goes into roaring heat at the drop of a hat... heat that turns her laggy and numb.

But, My Little Hell Bitch... she can...

cut ya'll. 

The horse comes to the party in a big way, and she is only in her derby (four year old) year.

You have to lope the fricken legs off her, and not just circles, you have to make her work, and think, and bend. Hours later when you walk her into the pen, she goes in licking her lips ready to eat a cow alive. She is cool, and she is outrageously talented, and it's all bubbling to the surface now.

& this is her.

In a rare serene moment.

& as alluded too in my last post, she is leaving back home to Canada for the Spring/Summer/Fall shows. It's very hard to see her go. When I worked part-time for Boss-Lady a year ago, "The Princess" was there. She wasn't terribly easy to ride, and often freaked me out. When I came back to work for Boss-Lady this year, "The Princess" was the only original horse still with her. She was the only horse I knew, and really... aside from Boss-Lady... the only thing I knew. I clung to her, and I also found that apparently I had learnt a lot in a year, so had she, we clicked.

Now, this weekend, she is jumping on a trailer and heading up north - perhaps she will come back, but she may not. The reality of it is that she isn't mine, she has an owner, a real mom, who probably has her own nicknames for her that they just share between the two of them.

Sometimes, it is hard.

Two Year Olds... A Serious Problem.

This is perhaps the most appropriate meme for my life right now

We have two, two year olds at the barn right now, these are my first two year olds that i've had to start.

This experience is making me seriously want to write thank you letters to anyone that has ever started colts that i've ever ridden. Where's my 90 day colts at? Not here.

One we haven't even started riding yet.

She's not really a "people person" type of horse.

In fact, she could give a shit about me.

Awesome.

The second is coming along well...

First rides!

But that doesn't mean he hasn't turfed me multiple times in the process..

That's a four day old bruise, one of many, that i've received due to not being able to sit the slightest bronc.

Loper Legs... So Sexy... Am I Right, or Am I Right?!

What'chu know about Horse Show Laundry?

Your horse needs wraps with boots over top, all around?

and you're going to flag him in the morning, and then before he runs, 

and then he's going to show?

So I'll need to bring 12 polos and 12 boots?

Ya, that's totally fine, see you down there.

Oh, and make sure to wrap him with pillow wraps and standing wraps tonight?

Ya, of course I will.

Would love too... thought no loper ever.

3 days later... 3 (count 'em people three) stalls worth of hanging polos, boots and pillow wraps...

Some nights I still wake up in a sweat thinking, "SHIT, I need to pair those show boots together for tomorrow!"

The #1 Loper Issue...

Ya'll know what i'm talking about...

The Dreaded Affliction known as "Loper Bum"

and who has it?

Guilty as charged. no shame on this blog my friends, whose got time for that?

I took a couple months off for the holidays and when I came down to Arizona, I had gotten weak. After one day of some serious loping for a show, and a terrible choice in underwear, I had the worst case of jello thighs and an even worse case of 'ol loper bum.

It was not pretty.

Loper Bum is one of those things that us female riders all joke about, but it's kind of one of those "behind closed doors/for female conversations only" jokes, no? Well... one of our clients left me a birthday present... on our desk in the middle of our shared barn at our very busy, multi-trainer facility... with a note specifying that it was for me.

What was the gift?

This product, which is apparently really good, but also very loudly packaged.

So now everyone at our very busy, multi-trainer facility knows that I have a very bad case of "Loper Bum".

I'll just be here.