Those girls that just seem to look perfect at all times while at shows:
"Who doesn't travel with a bikini? I have a full length gown hanging in my trailer."
- Darcy la Pier, barrel racer, from the A&E show "Rodeo Girls"
Me:
...while literally covered in horse shit, poultice, horse goobers, shavings, miscellaneous pieces of hay & sucking back a Red Bull wondering, "is this my life?"
Basically, I want you guys to get in the mindset that I had when I was heading into the pen, so listen to this little tune & accompanying video...
Most importantly the verse...
"His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, Mom's Spaghetti."
Okay... so I didn't really enter the ring like I was living in detroit, repped do-rags, rapped at night and sold drugs by day, but Myself and Rabbit (Eminem's character in 8 mile) do have something in common.
We happened to do a big 'ol choke.
So what happened?
Well... First things first... I walked into the herd with a fresh horse.
Wow... loper of the century over here, can't even lope my own horse.
Then I got into the herd & sort of... blacked out.
Basically I was going for a shape cut and realized as I began driving (way too many) cows up that I didn't exactly know how to shape cut.
Well, shit.
I got a cow infront of me and that cow took one look at me, turned tail and smashed past me at the wall, right back to the herd.
Well, shit.
My second cow was alright, and I got something done, but when I went to turn back to the herd my horse hung in the bridle and I grabbed the reins with my second hand.
Well, shit.
My third cow did something very similiar to my first cow.
Well, shit.
& I chipped one off the top for my last cow and got to work a little bit before I heard the buzzer go off.
My score?
A Solid 63.
I left the pen & every part of me was screaming:
But, a client and I were talking after and she said to me,
"The first time I showed, I fell off my horse in the pen. It was terrible. Somebody said to me then, 'Well, your first time showing is over and you'll never have to do it again.'"
Boss-Lady leaves me a to-do list, one of the items says "THOROUGHLY clean out all feeders in the trailer." Well, unfortunately our trailer does not have pull out trays, so after attempting to shovel, rake and broom the hay dust out of the feeders I thought -ah ha!- I will blow the dust out, easy peasy.
I WAS WRONG.
First of all, I couldn't get the damn thing to start, the gas pulley thing was not pulling. Cue me embarrassingly having to get two different people to start it for me.
Then, I got into the trailer, pointed it at one of the feeders and hay dust ERUPTED all around me.
Once the haze settled... the hay dust was still freaking there, it was just blowing up, at me, and then back down.
Sigh.
Fuck Machinery.
I am a loper, not a handy-man.
Unfortunately for me, those two jobs often go hand in hand.
I will sadly admit that it took me 3 hours to clean out 6 hay feeders, does that sound very "handy" to you?
