"Our Horses"

As a loper you are with "your horses" day in, day out, away from home, at home, good days, bad days, all the days... and they begin to feel like your very big, sometimes obnoxious, sometimes talented family members.

You begin to feel like you are their "parent". The trainer is more of a teacher, their owners who come to ride must seem to them like their students (... or perhaps their jobs, because they know when cows are involved they're working.) Then there's the lopers, the one's that hand them off to go to "school/job", the one's that dress their boo-boos, the one's that give them baths, hand-walk them, etc. etc. etc.

For example in my string of horses many of them have a nickname that only I call them..

There is "Mr. Handsome", "Big Boy", "Bubba/Bubs", "Bug", "Rey Baby", "Moo",

90% of these nicknames have absolutely nothing to do with their real names...

and then there is my favourite, the one that I almost see as mine until their real owner comes and i'm plummeted back to reality. She is affectionally known as "The Princess" to others, but between just her and I... "My Little Hell Bitch."

& let me tell you my readers, she is just that.

& sometimes, we lopers... well we grow pretty attached, and darn does it ever hurt when a horse gets taken out of training.

Two Year Olds... A Serious Problem.

This is perhaps the most appropriate meme for my life right now

We have two, two year olds at the barn right now, these are my first two year olds that i've had to start.

This experience is making me seriously want to write thank you letters to anyone that has ever started colts that i've ever ridden. Where's my 90 day colts at? Not here.

One we haven't even started riding yet.

She's not really a "people person" type of horse.

In fact, she could give a shit about me.

Awesome.

The second is coming along well...

First rides!

But that doesn't mean he hasn't turfed me multiple times in the process..

That's a four day old bruise, one of many, that i've received due to not being able to sit the slightest bronc.

Loper Legs... So Sexy... Am I Right, or Am I Right?!

A Day in the Life of a Horse Show

Generally Horse-Shows begin very quietly, even... peacefully. While Boss-Lady and our clients rest their dainty heads on their dainty pillows, I feed and medicate our horses. I saddle our Turn Back horse. I breathe in the quiet of a sunrise, and horses munching their hay while I clean stalls.

 Then, like a hurricane, they all begin to arrive at the trailer, or the tack stall, and the questions begin.

Like rapid fire, and generally directed at someone else, but about me:

"Have you packed the show bag?"

"Where is [insert anything you can think of here]??"

"How does my horse look today?"

"What kind of hay did you feed [name] today, you know [name] only gets [this kind of hay] right?"

"is [name] legs puffy today?"

"When is my class?"

"Has [name] gotten [his/her] gastro yet?"

"Is CC loping my horse for me?"

"When should CC get on my horse?"

"Will CC know how to get my horse ready?"

"Is CC saddling my horse for me?"

The list goes on...

& I'm just standing there like:

but no one seems to care, and the questions just keep coming.

But thankfully for them, generally all those questions were already thought out, planned and ready to go before they even thought them.

So basically... 

& by the end of the day, after loping more horses than my body can take, and not eating a single thing..

& then, we do it all over again!

A Pathetic State of Bum-Related Affairs

Remember that kind client that bought me this...

Well today dear readers, I used it. I don't really know if it helped or not, but it was there.

& then, I found myself rubbing globs of diaper rash cream all over a very thin-skinned horse who rubs really easily under her cinch.

By the time I was done, I was covered with horse hair and diaper rash cream.

& I've now used a product called "Anti-Monkey Itch" on myself.

Perhaps I'm turning into one of our horses...?

The Most Feared Two Words: "Too Fresh"

Once upon a time I was a little canadian girl transported into the big world of the Texas cutting horse scene. We were at a show, my first show (!!), when I was handed the reins for a seasoned 7 year old show-horse, and told to get him ready. My fellow-loper assured me this horse was "super easy" to get ready. She said to me, "Trot and lope him, once he drops his head he's about ready, take him to the middle and if he pee's that's his cue, he's ready to cut." 

So here I was, loping around, and this horse goes pee... not once, not twice, but three times. Shit, I thought, maybe I over-loped him? But, he didn't really feel "ready". I was having a mental back-and-forth about the whole thing when all of a sudden over the loud-speaker I heard "-horse- please get ready"... well then...

So, off I get, and hand the reins over to the Texan Trainer. He gets on, does some dry work and all of a sudden takes off loping around the arena.

My friends, that is never a good sign.

Me:

The Texan Trainer walked into that pen, and that "seasoned show horse" that's "so easy to get ready", well he sort of turned into a very seasoned...

... dragon...

a dragon who wanted to eat some cows alive

That horse zinged and zanged from wall to wall, and at one point, I swear to you almost sent himself and the Texan Trainer right into a wall. My co-worker who had given me such helpful advice, turned and stared at me with an open mouth. Yep, I was screwed.

The buzzer finally went and the Texan Trainer walked out of the pen, jumped off and shoved me the reins. He stared me down and said very tersely "Way. Too. Fresh" and then huffed off.

I stared that "seasoned show" horse down, and I swear to you he looked smug.

Seasoned Show Horse:

"Got ya, you little inexperienced loper bitch"

What'chu know about Horse Show Laundry?

Your horse needs wraps with boots over top, all around?

and you're going to flag him in the morning, and then before he runs, 

and then he's going to show?

So I'll need to bring 12 polos and 12 boots?

Ya, that's totally fine, see you down there.

Oh, and make sure to wrap him with pillow wraps and standing wraps tonight?

Ya, of course I will.

Would love too... thought no loper ever.

3 days later... 3 (count 'em people three) stalls worth of hanging polos, boots and pillow wraps...

Some nights I still wake up in a sweat thinking, "SHIT, I need to pair those show boots together for tomorrow!"

Adventures in: Dragging a Pen

The day has come.

I have been informed that Monday, Wednesday and Friday, it is MY responsibility to drag our square and round pen for ourselves, and another cutting horse trainer.

I will admit that I have never dragged a pen, nor driven a tractor.

Hilarity ensues...

Between the tractor almost blowing up...

Barely making it into the square pen until someone screamed "PUT THE LOADER DOWN"..

People watching me drag the pen while shaking their heads...

An hour later...

& the Circuitous Cutter gets tapped out by the other cutting horse trainer on the property...

Now, I am planning on googling "how to drag a pen" because CLEARLY my way was just not working.